its too weird, how a casual comment can turn into an argument, or in my case, a lecture. ok, so maybe it wasn't so casual. yes, i was complaining. and dad, if you're reading this, i'm sorry. sam, thankyou for everything despite having your own thingies at the moment. by the way, i left mengyih's photo cd in your bag. sorry.

i was sharing earlier that i want things to be like before. i don't know when it started and i don't know how. all i know is that i need Him, badly. see how my life has gone downhill since that period of time. in my family, the relationships have gotten better but gone were the days of hugging and kissing each other goodnight. academically, i've fallen really far down, and it may be too late to make a comeback. i wish that all the bullshit would go away.

i don't have the confidence to do anything anymore. i can't even get myself to pray with a group. i'm afraid it'll come out all...fake. i don't want it to be that way. i've been putting on the act for too long. its hurting. i used to be able to dive headfirst into anything i set my eyes upon. where has that girl gone? the girl in the mirror stares back with lifeless eyes, the hint of desperation growing, the hate she bears weighing down on her.

this is not depression, merely a moment of emo-shit. bear with it.

and i still wish so much that i was in april's shoes.

♥ Do what you do,
down on me